Day 20
Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
This is a difficult task, and a highly personal thing for me to share, knowing it’ll be published to my facebook. I know I could remove it from my profile, but where’d the fun be in that?
I can’t see myself being lucky enough to be with the person I want to be with in the future - That much is very clear to me. It’s like chasing something that is always just out of reach. You know you’ll never catch it, it’ll never be yours, but you keep chasing it anyway. Because of that compulsion, the feeling in your heart and your instinct that push you not to give up. I mean, nobody likes a quitter, right? Haha, yes, I have always been one to despise clingy would-be-lovers. The ones that can’t help but txt you at least once ever day, and you just know that when you ignore their messages it’s only going to make them want to push and press on until they get some form of answer out of you. Sadly, I seem to have become one of these people, completely unintentionally. It just happens that way. Maybe it’s because these feelings are completely unfamiliar territory for me… I am not too sure.
This person plagues my dreams, sometimes they’re good dreams, sometimes they’re full-blown nightmares. He is the person I automatically want to be close to when I am upset. And the stupidest thing ever? I don’t know all that much about him, he is a giant mystery. He’s a closed book. I’ve read some of his writing, which is obviously very personal. But it is cryptic, the meanings of his words are hidden. I wish I understood him. All I know is that he makes me feel better. He can make me smile in the midst of a panic attack, for crying out loud! And when those moments where he wraps his arms around me arrive, moments which are few and far between, I don’t know whether my heart wants to burst, whether I’m just going to dissolve into him or melt into a puddle of liquid joy onto the floor. Which is pretty sad, when I know he’ll never be mine. I understand that he cares about me. But not enough, it seems.
Woah, that was a pretty big rant. Way to shame myself out. But hey, I’m going to post it anyway. What do I have to be scared of? Judgement? BAHAHA. I haven’t even mentioned a name. But the important people will know who I’m talking about, I’m sure. <3
